Here we go again

I got all of my medicine in the mail yesterday. I went through to make sure it was all there. Yep. All there. It seems I got more needles in this package...I'm thinking that's not a good thing. Maybe they just sent extra?

I start the first injection medicine on Monday and will be taking it until the transfer. I don't want to post when specific appointments are because I just want it all to work, and if it doesn't I really don't want people to be asking. Not that any of you would, but I'd just rather let you all know when we are pregnant. :) I can tell I have been dealing with this for awhile because, used to, people would say things like, "Oh, just quit trying and it will happen." or "You guys are trying too hard." or "If you adopt, then you'll get pregnant..that's what happened with ______." While I know all of these people mean well, it used to just drive me bonkers when people would say this. I realized they just do not understand the emotions that go along with not being able to start a family. Those statements can be very hurtful if you let them be. Although I know it will hurt if this try doesn't work, I do know that God has a plan for our life and he is working everything out for good- and this is just the next step in the journey. It just would be a little helpful if we knew exactly what journey we were on. :)

We did find out that we get an adoption benefit from Kyle's work. It's seeming like whatever route we end up taking, God is going to bless it. He has allowed us to do the fertility treatment at a much lower cost. Most people's insurance does not cover infertility. Kyle's does, and we are out the copays, medicine, and hotels/gas to the doctor. Which is still a lot but it's about 40% of the total cost of the treatment. I always ask Kyle, "How are you supposed to know what God is telling us to do? I mean, He's not gonna say- Hey, how about you do IVF?" We came to the conclusion the other night that he opens doors for you. If and when we are to stop this process that we are doing now, the door will close...somehow...and we will know it. That is the only thing that keeps me sane!

Please pray for us as we begin this second trial, and hopefully last trial. We are ready to fill up our new Tahoe with babies. :)

**I'm adding this in the bottom because her hubby just posted on facebook, so I think I can share now. But so happy for one of my best friends for their baby due in December! Love you Whitney!**

Went through my pictures today and some of my favorites:

Grace

I had this big long post and lost it all...grrr. Here it is in shorter version:

We have all done things we are not proud of. Or maybe some of us are doing things we know are not pleasing to the one who created us. The word grace I think is sometimes over-used and overlooked. It is the love and mercy given to us by God, not because we deserve it but because He wanted us to have it. It is the English translation of a Greek word meaning "that which brings delight, joy, happiness, and good fortune." So basically God wants us to have all of these things even when we don't act like we give a rip. :)

In college is when I felt this grace full force. I was making it; however, I felt like I was trapped. When people would mention what I was doing I would just get angry with them. And I remember wanting to do what I was doing even more. How stupid is that? There is no gray areas, folks. It is what it is. Right or wrong. Don't let the "world" tell you you can make up your own rules. I mean, certainly you can, but what do you have to live for if you're just making it up as you go? Strive for something...
I remember crying and crying because I felt alone, and then began to pray. But I felt like that was getting me nowhere because it was like they were hitting a brick wall. I just wanted to punch the wall out of the way. I made a conscious effort to change how I made my decisions. I finally felt, after a while of the whole brick wall thing, like I was out from under a "net." That I could breathe. I feel like I have been given grace- even after deliberately turning my back and running the other way.

Again, grace is love and mercy that is given to us by God. I could sit here and list a thousand things I have been blessed with all because of GRACE. And even after I have made the wrong decisions! I could only imagine how my life would be different had I not turned away from what I was doing. I will promise you it would not be what I have today. (Don't get me wrong, still make bad decisions sometimes! Just not deliberately!)

So...all of that to tell you this. I got a tattoo. It's the word grace written in hebrew on the inside of my foot. I've wanted this for a long time, but have just been too chicken to get it. And Kyle is not a big fan. But, 3 of us girls got one after spending 2 nights together in Hot Springs. It was our first and likely only tattoo, and each of them meant something to us. I am sure to be reminded of what I am given through grace on a daily basis. I love it.

The Old Folks

This weekend was our 10 year class reunion. A few of us camped all weekend, but we had a lunch Saturday at the lake for everyone. Steak, potato salad, beans, rolls, desserts. Yum! Over the course of the weekend, we had about 65% of our class show up (that sounds a little better than 14!) We only had 21 in our graduating class. We had a lot of fun just talking, looking at pictures, taking new pictures, cooking, tubing, and playing with everyone's little ones. :) Who knew our class could make such pretty babies?

Saturday at lunch

 With our families

 Our own personal Justin Beiber concert :)

#howyouknowyourhusbandlovesyou

I decided to change the background to a road map since that will pretty much sum up our summer! OKC again tomorrow for further testing and our IVF class. I've researched "things to do in OKC" and we are going to leave early enough to go to Bricktown to eat at Toby Keith's restaurant and go to Bass Pro. Kind of like a one-day vacation...sort of.

I have a list of things said in our house recently (by Kyle) that has become normal to me, but if you were a fly on the wall you would either be a) confused or b) laughing your head off. He's learned some OT terms from my work, and some fertility terms and he uses them quite well. You have to admit- the guy's knowledge has vastly improved since we got married!!

- Can you move my sacrum?

- So, what causes a headache?

- I need some proprioceptive input.

- I don't know why you're tired...all you do is cut and color all day.

- So...your eggs are good?!

- Oh, that means you ovulated?

- Please don't tell me you will do that when you're pregnant.

And my favorite (discussing if this IVF works when the baby will get here)

- Yeah, I already thought about that. Turkey season will just be starting in Kansas, and I'm sure I'll need a break by then- I just hope you have it before I leave, so that I won't be in a dilemma in case you go into labor while I'm gone!

...let's hope he's kidding...