Vaca

A summer is not a summer without a vacation. In my opinion anyway. I've dropped subtle and gigantic hints to Kyle that I'm ready to take a trip, none of which have worked. I had to take matters into my own hands. Now, this is his idea of a trip: "We could drive up to Springfield to see if any celebrities from the outdoor channel are there." Ummm, no thanks. I'll pass. Here's my idea of a trip: Lying on the beach for 4 entire days not doing a thing. He said, ummm, no thanks. So we compromised. I really don't care where we go as long as it's somewhere fun (and new). We talked about the Twin Cities and San Francisco. The latter of the two will have to wait. For a spur of the moment trip I'm not willing to shell out $850 for a plane ticket. We can do that later. So we talked about New York. And I really, really want to go but I think I'm going to wait and go with girls to New York for obvious reasons (shopping, shows, walking, the Today show, you know). So St. Paul it is. We will be off to the Mall of America in no time (next Thursday to be exact).

I don't read much but when I do, I'm all out. It's what I do every night before bed. My wonderful mother bought me a book on her recent trip to Hot Springs with her friends. She said, "I don't know what you are going through. I don't know what to say to you, and I don't know how you feel. I want you to know that I love you and here is my way of helping you." She got me the book, Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby. Don't worry- it has good stories, too. It has, so far, touched on EVERY thought, emotion, worry and prayer that I have gone through. I mean, right down to the very words that come out of my mouth, or the very thoughts that I think sometimes. It talks about how people say things that ordinarily wouldn't be a "big deal" but now it's a HUGE deal and my feelings are hurt. And how I know it will all work out in the end and it's on God's timing, but when? People say all the time, "honey, it will all work out. God's timing is not our timing." YES I KNOW THIS, but it still hurts, so stop saying that. And I wonder, what have I done wrong, what are we doing wrong, is there something we need to bring before God and remove from our lives, do I pray for the wrong thing, am I running too much, am I eating the wrong things, are we completely missing "the day." So many questions. I love the book because it gives pretty much a verse per page on prayer, emotions, thoughts, comforts, guidance. You name it, it's in the book. So if you know of anyone going through this horrible journey, please pass the book title along. It is such a place of solace for me.

And I have to say how much of a help my mom has been. She doesn't ask, doesn't prod, doesn't do anything except for when I am ready to talk about it. Then she knows I'm ready. And I kinda unload I'm sure. If you know me well, you know that I won't talk about things unless I'm ready. She has gone to doctor appointments with me, cried with me and I know she prays for me. I love you, Mom, and don't know what I would do without you.

New Things

After this week, I only have one more week left at my current job. I will be at a different school next year working for a different company. Good news is, along with a long list of other good things why I took the job, I will be at ONE school. That's right, one! Not 5! I'm ecstatic. I am ready for a change. I'm ready for less stress. I'm just ready for something different, and better, I hope. I think so anyway.

We are also house hunting! I love our house now. There is not a thing wrong with it. I would just love a place with another bedroom, and closer to my new job. Kyle doesn't mind driving and he has a company truck. So it doesn't really matter where he lives. We found a house that we like, and it will need a tiny bit of work to make the 4th bedroom but not much. And it's pretty much brand new. Keep your fingers crossed...we go back to look at it this Friday and we are taking our parents for their wise opinions. I love it. It's on the way to a mountain nearby and I love the area too.

Changing directions

I have so much to blog about but I'm going to try to stay somewhat on task so that I don't bore you all. Look at this precious little Maelea at her first birthday party:

She is such a doll. Audrey and I went up for her birthday party, then stayed the night in Branson to shop the next day. Found this at The Landing....

No one probably thinks this is cool. BUT...the guy was drawing it with chalk and it was about 20 ft. long. You can't tell what it is until you get right in front of it. Then, it looks 3D through a camera! I was impressed...

In baby news:

As most of you know, we have tried three IUI's at our fertility clinic. Three unsuccessful IUI's. And, as I've stated before that this is very much an emotional roller coaster for me. Our doctor told us that the next step will be IVF (in-vitro fertilization). This last doctor's visit I had a cyst on my ovary which was very frustrating, but I believe that God has a plan in all of this. A plan for a break, or refresher...

A few days after that doctor's visit I remembered talking to a man at the Christmas Kick-Off last year (booths and things just before Christmas). He sells all-natural juices and supplements and had said, in passing, it helps with cleansing the body, regulates blood pressure, gives you energy, and they have had infertile women become pregnant. (This is also the juice that Kyle's grandpa drinks. Last March he was placed on hospice, now he's bailing hay and pulling calves.) Now...when we were talking about this I had my mind made up to go to the fertility clinic already and I didn't really pay that much attention. I don't consider this stuff magic because that was just one or two cases. I thought of this the other day, I'm guessing because I'm scared to do the IVF. I don't want to take shots four times a day, I don't want to be on several different medicines, I don't want to have to be put under for egg retrieval...and most of all I'm just scared I'll go through all of that and it won't work. I told Kyle about it and he said he is game for anything that I want to try. He is for the IVF but says that if I don't want to do it he completely understands because he really wouldn't want to do it if he was the girl in the situation (go figure!).

So, I called the man first thing Monday morning. He was very nice and explained the benefits of each thing I would need to take. He said, "I'm not guaranteeing a pregnancy, but I will guarantee that you will feel better and it is ridding your body of any impurities." Which is nice, since I've been on about ten different medicines since last November. I just hope that I can feel better. I feel like I run myself ragged going to all of the appointments, pharmacies, friend's house for shots, and working full time on top of that. And here lately I've been running a low grade fever and have just felt "bad." If this stuff makes me feel better and in six months we still have no baby, then we will look into IVF or adoption. But for now, I'm switching gears into getting my body back to normal without all the hormones. and stimulators. and shots...you get the picture.

The 4th

Happy 4th of July!!

This four day weekend has been great! Friday I slept in, got some paperwork and painting done, went to the lake with my cousins to ski and wakeboard (yes, I wakeboarded and got OVER the wake!).

 Audrey

 Audrey

 Kortnie

That's meeee!

Saturday went to Lake Ouachita with Kyle's mom and dad for snorkeling. It was fun but nothing compared to snorkeling in Mexico! Kind of set ourselves up there. But we did see some little fish in one area. After the snorkeling we went out on a pontoon boat to watch the fireworks show. Beautiful night on the lake.

Waiting on the boat

Poor Randy was tired

Sunday we had a community service at church (which Kyle and I totally forgot about until it was time to be there, but we made it). I went on to the lake with mom and dad, and Kyle came back home to clean up and watch deer hunting. I'm very lucky to have a husband that does laundry and sweeps and likes to keep things tidy. :) It comes in handy a lot.

Today we spent the morning at Belleville Park. The community always has a parade followed by a day at the park with games, food, ice cream and door prizes. It's always fun to go but gets a little hot. This afternoon we went to the Danville pool for a few hours with Kyle's family. Here are the little beauties of the night.

And here is what I finished this afternoon for a soon-to-be mom. I loved it.